• Teacher: "Can you please tell the class why you're so late?"
  • Me: Someone told me to go to hell
  • Me: Couldn't find it at first
  • Me: But now I'm here
-
Thursday, 16th October

rexuality:

but how do you convince little kids to wear clever costumes they won’t appreciate?

"mommy can i be batman?"
"no you and your brother are going as van gogh and the starry night painting, it’ll be so hilarious and witty"
"i want to be batman though"
"shhhhh mommy needs more followers on pinterest"

(via mailinhs)

-
Tuesday, 14th October
-
Tuesday, 14th October

(Source: eduardolion, via ronna-white)

-
Tuesday, 14th October

humorking:

“wanna hang out? when are you free?”

i’m never free, $50 per hang out

(Source: humorking, via fueledbysoda)

-
Sunday, 12th October
-
Saturday, 11th October

(Source: nc-17, via roastedray)

-
Saturday, 11th October

street-blues:

vape pens are mouth fedoras

(via sonic06apologist)

-
Saturday, 11th October

deucebowl:

she reaches down seductively. I guide her hand to my zipper. she unzips my fanny pack by mistake. raviolis spill out everywhere

(via roastedray)

-
Saturday, 11th October
If the wind will not serve, take to the oars.
Latin Proverb (via psych-facts)
-
Thursday, 9th October